All the Sikh ceremonies are very simple. They are based primarily on the principle:

jwlau AYsI rIiq ijqu mY ipAwrw vIsrY]
Jalo aisi reet jit main piyara visrai
Set fire to such rituals and ceremonies that lead me away from my Beloved

The ceremony of marriage is also very simple. It consists of prayer and vow. All ceremonies, in fact whether of joy or of sorrow, begin and end with prayer. As the Guru has said:

kIqw loVIAY kMmu su hir pih AwKIAY ]
Kita Loriye kam so har pai akhiye
Whenever there is any work on hand, address God about it

A lecture or sermon is no part of the ceremony. Even singing of hymns is no part of it. Music and Kirtan create a proper atmosphere. The essential part is only prayer. But it is proper and always advisable to know and understand the laws and procedure of the court to the jurisdiction of which you submit. Now that you are here in the august and sacred court of the Lord, it is but proper and necessary that you understand what the Guru’s teachings and ideals are in this connection and what he means and expects of us. This I will try to explain briefly.

kwhy ry bn Kojn jweI ] srb invwsI sdw Alypw qohI sMig smweI ]
Kahe re ban khojan jaee, Sarb nivasee Sada alepa tohee Sang samaee
Why go and seek Him in the woods; the Omnipotent and Eternal Pure is inseparably within you.

The comforts and pleasures of the world of the world are worth enjoying. The Lord has brought the much dreaded Maya to our feet and turning it into a useful instrument of service. The only thing is that we must not ourselves become its slaves. In the Sukhmani - the Psalm of Peace of Guru Arjan Dev - it is enjoined that while enjoying dainty dishes, anointing our bodies with perfumes, living in comfortable houses and cozy beds happily with our families, wearing jewels, silks and satins, riding horses and elephants, (and now cars and airplanes), bear always the Supreme Lord in mind and sing His praises in gratefulness for His boundless bounties, mercies, and graces. Even while drinking pure and clear water, thank Him, for there are those too who are not fortunate enough even to receive this grace of His.

ijs dw idqw Kwvxw iqsu khIAY swbwis ]
J is da ditta khavna tis kahiye sabas.
Gratefully thank the Great Giver.

Sikhism is a way of life (Jivan Siksha), in which we have to discharge our duty - Dharam - towards the Creator and towards this world where He has been pleased to send us, and in which we realize Him. It teaches us to control and correct the attitude of our mind and attune our individual souls with the Divine Will of the Universal Soul. We have to live such a life that when we ultimately face the Master, we do so with an untarnished and bright face and a clear conscience.

In Sikhism therefore family way of life (Grihasth Ashram) is the superior most and natural way of life, in which we have to live like a lotus and a swan, unaffected by the turbulent tides and waves of the waters, yet living and enjoying in them.

I draw your attention, and particularly the attention of the Bride and the Bridegroom, who are today stepping into this way of family life, to the words of the Guru in the hymns that will be sung and the four Lavan (the marriage Hymns) which will be read and sung when the couple goes round the Holy Book.

I may here point that these hymns composed by Guru Ramdas, the Fourth Guru, were not written particularly for the marriage ceremony, as Anand was not written by the third Guru for the distribution of Karah Parshad (sacrament). These were written to celebrate the wedding of the Individual Soul - the Atma - with the Great Spouse, the Universal Soul - the Parmatma. There are four stages in the progress of man towards his union with the Lord. They are Fear, Love, Restraint and Harmony. The Sat Guru wishes that our married life should also be molded on the ideal laid down for our union with the Parmatma.

Our conjugal relations are designed not merely to promote worldly comfort or to perpetuate the human race, but to provide the best means of approaching God and cultivating our lives in such a manner as to make them most useful and fruitful. Marriage is not a mere contract, to be repudiated at will; it is a sacrament, a holy union consecrated in accordance with the Divine Will.

Some people who believe like us that marriage is made in accordance with the Master’s Will, draw lines on the ground to represent the nine Grahas or Stars. We invoke the Lord’s presence by holding a holy congregation, with Guru Granth Sahib in our midst as witness. This holy congregation (Sangat) incorporates the presence of the Almighty, as the Guru has said:

ivic sMgiq hir pRBu vsY jIau ]
Vich Sangat Har Prabh Vassai Jio
God resides in the congregation

So, Ladies and Gentlemen, you are supposed to be sitting here with the consciousness of God’s presence in your midst. And the Bride and Bridegroom are sitting in the lap of God, the source of all love and affection, and the blessings of the whole congregation are with them. As they move round the Holy Granth, they should do so with a feeling and faith that they are walking, in the course of joint life to make themselves inseparably one, to make their united life but a union, physical, intellectual and spiritual.

The Guru’s own words are:

Dn ipru eyih n AwKIAin bhin iekTy hoie ]
eyk joiq duie mUrqI Dn ipru khIAY soie ]
Dhan pir eh na akhiyan behn ikatthe hoe.
Ek jot doey murti, dhan pir kahiye soe.
They are not to be called husband and wife who only sit together; rather they are husband and wife who have one spirit in two bodies.

ijnw Bau iqn@ nwih Bau mucu Bau inBivAwh ]
Jin bhao tin nahen bhao much bhao nibhviah.
Those who fear the Lord have nothing else to fear; but those who do not fear Him have much fear in store for them.

Out of this grows Love, which is the next stage. The word for Love used by the Guru is Chao, which means enthusiasm, eagerness tinged with hope and optimistic pleasure. For what is that Love which has no enthusiasm, no yearning in it? Usually enthusiasm in marriage wears off in a few years, and then everything appears stale and monotonous. How to keep up enthusiasm in married life, is the question and the problem. Nobody can maintain youth and beauty for ever. Age and illness invade our lives, and with the wearing off of freshness our attachments also grow stale and drab. Then how to keep up freshness? The Creator knew what sort of man He was creating. He knew man’s weakness that he could not keep himself constant and fresh. He therefore provided an element in man’s nature which would keep up freshness of relationship, even though youth and beauty might depart. This element was love, which knows no staleness, no growing old. Is not God the oldest being, more old and antiquated than any man or woman could be? And yet His lovers say:

swihbu myrw nIq nvW
Sahib mera neet nawan
My Lord is ever new and fresh

The secret of keeping the relationship young and fresh is not cosmetics, but Love, unchanging love, love in all conditions, all troubles and all diseases. Troubles are a nuisance. But to a loving heart, they provide opportunities for service and sacrifice and are therefore conducive to love.

Next comes the third stage. The words in the Lawan are:

min cwau BieAw bYrwgIAw bilrwm jIau]
Man chao bhaya bairagiya balram jio.
Love comes into the heart which withdraws itself from all other affections.

The affection of the parents, of brothers and sisters, friends and companions, give place to one overpowering love and knows no rival. Just a few minutes ago, the Bride was so totally a part of her parental home. Now after this ceremony she will have to withdrw from it. All her relatives will become strangers and their sweetness will disappear, in comparison with the supreme sweetness of the new relation: -

hBy swk kUVwvy ifTy qau plY qYfY lwgI ]
Habhe sak kurave ditthe tao palle tainde lagi.
When all relations appeared imperfect, I sought thy hand.

But she looks forward, with complacent joy and new chao, towards the new life with the protector of her life and honour of whom she could be proud. But this chao is bairagiya, full of vairag or sadness. Her lips are smiling, but her eyes are full of tears. This is the happiest occasion of her life, but also the saddest. It gives her a new home, but it also plucks her out of her moorings. The last line of Lavan mentions only the Vairag stage. In the beginning Love is immediate and compelling, and can stand no separation or absence. But constant association and understanding develop constraint and self-control, that make affections sedate and calm. Then absence is no absence. This is Vairag.

Last of all comes the stage of Sehaj, which is of complete oneness, of perfect balance, which knows no separation, no mistrust. This is the stage in which effort is eliminated. The Bride’s past and present become the Bridegroom’s past and present. Her present becomes his and his becomes hers. They feel and think alike and both are completely identified with each other; that is, they become“Ek jot doey murati”, one spirit in two bodies.

Anand marriage is as much spiritual as temporal and legal. Hence some formalities have to be gone through. Before the ceremony is begun, these are a few points to ponder on:

1. With us, husband and wife have an equal status. They are the two wheels of the chariot of life. Family life called Grehasth is the most sacred and highest order in Sikhism. Patibrat Dharam, fidelity, of wife to the husband, is as much essential as Istribrat Dharam, fidelity of husband to his wife.

2. While I advise you, the bride, to be content and pleased with the treatment, behaviour and lot of your husband, I enjoin upon you, the groom, to remember that from now on you have to protect her life and honour and provide her with every possible comfort and necessity of life