All Sikh parents living in countries with western cultures expect their children to be Sikhs like themselves, as they were when in India. They expect them to be obedient, disciplined and respectful to them as they were to their parents. They expect them to be good students, bright and excelling in everything they do. But is it so ? Sometimes. We often find children look and appear to be so but often they are only acting to keep their parents believe what they expect them to be : no dating, no drugs and no moral lapses. They generally stay so till they are dependent on the parents for support. But sooner or later parents get a shock of life when their daughter moves out with a non Sikh boy or their son is found to be doing drugs and never attended the school for which they were paying the fees. They might get another big shock when their teenage child commits suicide hiding some guilt or due to peer pressure or harassment in school due to their turban or long hair. Other very common surprise they get is when their young son who had been supporting long hair till high school or college comes home having cut cut his hair ,shaved his beard and removed his turban.

Are the parents prepared for all that . No .Why ? They are busy working and improving their financial situation to regain their social status in the new country.Even the mother is busy working making extra money not only to support the family but also saving to buy their own house or improving it. The children are mostly on their own having been raised with the help of baby sitters and the TV. Parents when they come home are tired and have hardly any time for their children and share very little with them. They expect them to be doing their homework in their rooms Week ends goes away in doing the chores or shuttling the kids to the school games and evenings goes for parties with other Indian friends where the kids are sitting in one corner while the parents are busy in gossip and eating or dancing. This is not a party for the kids.

So what do we offer to the kids which is our culture or religion? Very little. Then how do we expect them to be Indian or Sikhs? They learn English language from TV and watch cartoons over the week ends when the parents are busy. So for the kids the teachers are baby sitters, cartoons , the Internet for all the information that is there good or bad and whatever they learn at school and friends outside. At home they see parents irritated with overwork and fighting over things and blaming each other for anything and everything. On Sundays parents wanting to be religious , go to Gurdwara and meet other Sikhs friends, listen to kirtan or katha and have a nice meal in langar hall which becomes a place for social meet and fashion parade and sharing the latest gossip in town. During all this what is for the kids, who don't understand anything going on inside the Diwan Hall as everything goes on in Punjabi the language which they don't understand The program is not designed to their need. If at the end of the program there is a fight for whatever reason, kids don't understand it and get totally turned off and are afraid to go there when they see violence in place of worship. They may be hate to go there next time but the parents would push them to go with them as they are curious to get an update and don't want to miss the gossip.

So if that is our life style in these countries, do we expect our kids to be Sikhs or good Sikhs? I think we are living in fool's paradise if we expect that. These kids are being brought up in a land foreiign to us but not to our kids for whom it is their motherland. So they are exposed totally to the culture of this land which is very permissive and liberal and independent At home they are facing Indian parents who expect them to be like them while they are not doing much about it except feed them Punjabi roti may be against their liking. So can we blame our kids who are not Sikhs like we expect them to be ? No. I think we are expecting way too much while doing very little about it.

We have a long way to go to raise our kids to be good Sikhs. The question is ,are we good Sikhs ? Do we know what a good Sikh supposed to be ? In Punjab and India we did not need to know as we were living in Sikh culture and imbibed it without studying it. Here ,our children don't have that advantage. They are living in a western culture without the aid of grandparents and mother always at home .The first teacher of the child is the mother. It is she who teaches the child the language and Sikh values Next comes the father. The child here don't see much of both of them.

So here are a few recommendations to instill our culture and Sikhi into our children's mind:

1.The parents should become the role models for the child and live the culture and discipline of Sikhi at home and outside as the children will just watch their parents and copy them. So the parents should learn about Sikhi and practice it.

2.If you want your children to keep uncut hair ,please keep it yourself and teach the children importance of these as part of Sikh identity and heritage. Please go to their schools and speak with the teacer and address their class explaining why Sikhs keep hair .

3.If you want your children to show love and respect to you please love them and respect them and love them and be loving to eachother. It is the sweet words that that keep love alive; "Gandh preety mithay bol". And it is rude and angry words which break up love :"Tutti preet gaee bur bol"

4.If you want them to do path at home please do it at home with them sitting next to you and listening and teach them Gurbani little by little and make them memorise it. Do the path in the evening and at bedtime as a regular habit. If possible make one room at home for Guru Granth Sahib's parkash.Let your children participate in the service and let them do the matha tako in morning and evening. Do the path in that room .This will create a special place of Guru Ji in their life. Let them pray for everything in that room to Guru Ji.

5.The best thing you can do for your child is to do Naam Japna with them . They will not only like it but enjoy it. A child is born after doing Naam Simran in mother's womb during its stay there .That is the only way God keeps it alive by taking its mind off the heat of that place. "Maat garabh mehn apna simran deh teh Tum rakhanhare." When born ,child's first cry is for the liv of the mind broken from God and not for any pain or hunger. Most of the cries for the first six weeks are due to that separation. A wise mother will do the japna of Gurmantar , Waheguru in the child's ear ,baby will become quiet right away.They still want to do japna and we don't help them,we rather try to connect them with ourselves and after about six weeks they forget about their link with God. The moh of Maya takes over and now the child cries for the mother or father or toys."Liv tootee laagee trishna, maya amar vartayaia." Just as Naam Japna saves the baby inside the womb from fire of the womb, so does it save us from the fire of Maya outside:"Jaisi agan uddar mehn taisee bahir maya. Maya agan sabh iko jehi Karte khel rachaya". If we are blessed we will continue to feed the child and ourselves with Naam by doing Naam Japna as a regular practice in the morning before we do our 'path' and in the evening, This guarantees no problems from our children and there will be peace ,love and harmony at home. This is the prime duty of a Sikh;"Gur Satgur ka jo Sikh akhaay. So bhalke uth Hari Naam dhiaay", and this is what makes a Sikh superior to others.

6.At community level we should have a Punjabi school in the Gurdwara where they can learn the language, Sikh history and also should learn to do kirtan.The kids should be allowed to participate in the Sunday program. A special prorgam for the kids only be arranged once a month in English where they do all the service: Kirtan ,Katha and Ardaas. This will encourage their attendance and learning process and be trained to further participate in the management of the Gurdwara.

7..don't hesitate to send them to Sikh Camps in the holidays. This way they will make friends with other Sikhs of their own age and these friendship may end up in marrying their own kind.

8..Take them to India to connect them to their roots. They will never forget the hospitality and love they get there.

9 If possible get your parents over here to stay with you. The kids will learn Punjabi and the Sikh values from them so easily and love their company.

10.Last but not the least please keep a watch over their use of Internet on the computer. Let the computer be placed in the family room and not in their bed room. So should be the control over the TV time.

Be loving and caring and they will listen to you and develop a trust in you. Your children are your best gifts from God to you.They are your companions in your life but are independent souls . Please treat them as friends. The will be the source of love, joy and hope for the future. They will always love you as you love them They were also your companions from past life like your parents,wife ,sons,friends,your spiritual master and your brothers. Destiny brings you together again.

"Maat pita banita sut bandhap isht meet or bhaee.
Purab janam ke milay sanjogi untay ko na sahaee."