INTROSPECTION - In The Footsteps Of The Master - Article 1

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

ON THE EVE OF FIRST ANNIVERSARY OF MY HUSBAND'S DEATH-A TEARFUL AMRITVELA-PRAYER TO GURU GRANTH SAHIB

By A MARATHI WOMAN (as heard by a Sikh)

The Apostle of PEACE, LOVE, TRUTH AND HUMANITY, Guru Granth Sahib, I did not know you. But today when anyone says: DHAN SRI URU GRANTFI SAHIBJI, my heart throbs to feel the warmth and KHASMANA that you have bestowed on me. I know children are BORN to their mothers but I never thought Fathers are also BORN. Now I know my Sikh Father was born of your grace which directly fell on my Papa indirectly on me his daughter, when he introduced you to me during the biggest SANKAT of my life. Papa used to say often and I join him now in saying:

Kurban jai us vela suhawi jit Tumre dware aya. Nanak ko prabh bhaye kirpala Satgur poora paya

(I am sacrifice unto that moment when I landed at Thy door; The Lord showed all compassion to Nanak and 1 found my PERFECT SATGURU).

I dare say, my PERFECT GURU, not only are you my own Guru-although I have made no formal vows, nor have I become a Sikh-but you are like my PERFECT EVERLASTING HUSBAND since the death of my worldly husband on 3November, 1988. It was my Papa, who had taught me during the sudden fatal disease that struck my husband, that we should ask nothing of God, only His Name and today I remember by heart:

Vin tudh hor je mangana sir dukhan ke dukh Deh naam santokhia utre man ki bhukh

(Except for Your grace and presence, anything, I demand, is bound to give the severest pain. Lord, grant me Thy Name which provides contentment and the TRISHNA fades away).

This last one year, You have not only been a PERFECT husband, you have also been a perfect mother, perfect father, perfect brother, sister and perfect companion. My Papa is your son and whenever I utter words in gratitude for him, he immediately transfers them to "I am a small worm, my child, thank the Lord in Guru Granth Sahib, who is my Papa". The other day near the first Parkash Day of of Granth Sahib, Papa came out with the full,devotional lines from his heart,

Guru Granth Sahibji yeh aap ki shaan
Aap se nikle Chand aur Suraj Aur kai Aasman
Satguru aur sant pyare aap mein se bolen;
Bharam Aur Vahm Ke Voh Parde Kholen
Jo bhi tumko pyar kare aap pyar karte,
Kirpsdrishti se prabhu sabki jholi bharte
Marathi ho ya Madrasi jab sharan mein aya,
Pyar se Sabko aap ne to gale lagaya

(Guru Granth Sahib, your glory is self evident; from out of you have come not only the Sun and the Moon but also several skies; Gurus and saints speak jointly from out of you and they annihilate the doubts which harass us; WHOSOEVER LOVES YOU, YOU love him and with a kindly eye you fulfil everyone's wishes. Whether it is Marathi or Madrasi when he comes to your door, you embrace him with all your love).

Many times I wonder whether my Sikh Papa and I are not the kind of disciples at your feet as are Guru Nanak and Naamdev, Word-Guru speaking directly to us.

I have NO ONE -literally no one in the world ho can care for me-EXCEPT YOU: therefore as I complete one year of my new life without my worldly husband, I share with you not only my immense gratitude for what you have done for me but also my ARDAAS for what I seek from you.

Your son, my Papa, almost took charge of my entire family i.e. myself and my three daughters and began saying that four children are born to me on 3rd November, 1988 and I say this, in tears, my Lord, this is EXACTLY THE WAY he treated us all during the whole year, leaving no time, reason or dejection for remaining in misery and mourning. His pet theme has been:

Gur charni jaka man laag, kaho Nanak tanka thir sohag.

(One whose heart is set on Guru's feet, says Nanak, his/her married bliss is everlasting).

And trying to tell you heart-felt feelings I concede that except for the knowledge of the physical absence of my worldly husband from home, I HAVE. NEVER FELT HIS ABSENCE IN LOVE-because you have loved me always - in WORK-because you have always directed Papa to look to the minutest detail of my work- IN PROVIDING AFFECTION TO THE CHILDREN -because under your direction Papa has loved them just as you love Papa. Indeed, when, immediately after the death of my husband, Papa found that my children had been separated, one in the. hostel, two in the village and I was running from pillar to Post to get my problems solved, i.e. of Pension, gratuity. insurance, residual salary, G.P.F., etc, he arranged for us to be together near him. Before that, when his "prayer-companions" had joined him for Prayer-sessions for two weeks in December and I had come to participate for a day or two, he sent for my children in the village and the one in the hostel, kept us all together, drenched me in the prayer-session to make me feel Your warmth and love. That removed from my head the burden of loneliness the burden of responsibilities and the burden the new unsheltered life. Papa would humbly say: "Mv child, I do nothing for you: I do for my Lord in Guru Granth Sahib." It - appears You helped him also to get for me a petty job on account of which we could live together, my children and I. And you planned, Guru Sahib, that we should all live as neighbours of Papa so, that my AMRITVELA prayers become a confirmed determination.

JAB LOOT RAHI THI MAYA, TOUNE KITNI BAAR JAGAYA

Papa told me once of Bhai Vir Singh's comment in the GURU NANAK CHA MATKAR on Mehta Kalu's inability to recognise the divinity of Guru Nanak. Bhai Sahib had said, "On account of the influence of Maya, Mehta Kalu could not recognise the God in Guru Nanak in his home, although many times he found the glimpses of divinity in Nanak." I say sincerely in shame that this is my condition too. I have, LITERALLY seen that YOU alone have been my saviour - I have no father in whose home I was born, no father-in-law, no mate member in my home or in my in-laws' home, for my husband was the only son; my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law have filed a court case for property and my brothers have no time for my problems-and Papa has been consistently trying to drown me in Your Name. I try, I receive your grace, I pray with Papa at amritvela but I am unable to get rid of the worldly overpowering worry for my children, for my problems, for my future. When Papa drags me again and again to the ONLY source of my dependence, i.e. yourself, I get blinded by my maya believing that 'I' have now this responsibility and that; I have to do this and that and forget the single-mindedness with which Papa wants me to lose myself in You, reminding me again and again that if during 15 years of my married life I could not benefit from the worldly pursuits and dependence only on my husband, why should I not leave everything to You, who HAS PROVED TO BE MY BEST SUPPORT AND ALWAYS DEPENDABLE "HUSBAND" in the last year. He quotes from you the following:

Soami ke Greh jion sada swan tajat nahin nit. Nanak eh bid har bhajo ik man hoe ik chit

(Just as a dog does not leave its master's home; Says Nanak, remember the Lord with single-minded devotion in the same way).

and

Man beche satgur ke paas, tis sevak ke karaj raas

(When you sell your mind to the Guru, all your tasks, will be taken care of automatically).

But I quarrel with Papa some times; argue with him at others, tell him that he cannot understand my problems, accuse him of lack of appreciation of my difficulties and even try to tell him what is the real significance of the way of prayer. My Papa loves me but certainly loves you with all his heart and I myself know that his interest in me is only to make me happy and peaceful for all times to come. I KNOW THIS AND REALISE THIS but when MAYA REPEATEDLY BLINDS ME TO THE BELIEF THAT I AM THE DOER, just as I believed my husband to be the doer, I fall into a ditch again and again. Instead of feeling the warmth of your love, I begin to feel the pressure of Papa's suggestions. Then I cry in helplessness and bewail the loss of my husband. Papa cannot see me in pain, misery or tears. He begins to make me understand You in proper devotion. Then 1 realise too that MAYA has been playing havoc with me again and again.

On the eve of my husband's - death anniversary, my Lord, Guru Granth Sahib, I plead for your grace in the following:

(i) You taught me that I should never ask for anything other than God's Name; please continue to drill in my mind that I should not waiver in the future. This lesson during my husband's illness saved me from various pitfalls like calling on various temples and khankahs for help and wasting time and money and kept me steady when my husband passed away.

(ii) While I should do my duties in the world, I should be devoted to you in a single minded pursuit and feel liberated with Your Grace.

(iii) I should understand Papa's clear helpful suggestions to stick to You and not guided by the inevitability of Maya's control. Papa goes on saying:

Kar Kar Thaake Vadhe Vadere, Kinhi Na Keeye Kaaj Maya Poore

(The mighty ones were tired of their worldly achievements; they too could not complete their works in Maya's illusion).

(iv) For lack of understanding-even after understanding the reality of your grace and my husband's death at an early age-I agitate when I should know how to submit, I complain when I know I should accept, I rebel when I know I should pray. Grant me now, my Lord, the understanding of everything spiritual.

(v) Make my love and determination irrevocable so that I receive Your protection and support in all circumstances, just as I got them until now.

(vi) I realise that I am unjust to Papa, but that is because of NASAMJHI (ignorance). Make me grow in your knowledge and devotion and help me to get rid of the influence of Maya.

(vii) PANJ-CHOR have great control over me. Help me, Guru Granth Sahib, to defeat them

with Naam.

(viii) Make me capable of loving everyone and make me free from hatred, ill-will, etc.

(ix) Grant me COMPLETE FAITH in You and help me fully accept Thy Will. Never should I complain & lose faith.

(x) I should serve everyone in Your Name and expect no reward and accept no consideration for my service. The glory of Lord's Name should reign in my heart 24 hours.

My earnest wish, my Lord, is that even when Papa is not my neighbour, even when we cannot pray together, even when satsang is not available, I should get immersed in Your feet every amritvela and could sing in Your glory like this:

Nas vanjho kilvikho karta ghar aya

(Oh my sins, get lost NOW THAT MY MASTER HAS COME HOME).

Guru GranthSahib, the majesty of Your universality, should dwell in my heart for all times to come and it stands proved to the world that we - the Sikh Papa and I, his Marathi daughter-are the disciples of Guru Granth Sahib in the same way as Guru Nanak and Naamdev are our teachers in the Sacred Scripture.