My cousin recently invited me to the wedding of his daughter. She was getting married to a young man who is not an adherent to the Sikh faith. They were planning to have a Sikh wedding ceremony- Anand Karaj followed by the wedding ceremony of the groom's faith. It was quite a difficult decision for me to make whether to attend the wedding or not. Because attending would entail a tacit approval and acceptance, and skipping would have created other issues.

I am not trying to "second guess" or criticize the choice of this young girl regarding her life partner, because her choice reflects her aspirations, which will give her happiness in her personal life. Then my thoughts wandered to my children who are getting into that age group, where they will be looking for their life partners. What if one of them did a similar move of marrying outside of the faith? Will it meet the approval of the parents? Will it be considered as racist to oppose such an alliance? After all, there are plenty of non-Sikh young people who can make marvelous spousal partners for the young Sikh men and women. But, then, there are issues to ponder over as to what will be the impact of such relationship on the spiritual growth of both the partners and its influence and impact on the progeny? Will it remain the faith of the person who is marrying outside the faith? Will their lives revolve around the teachings of the Gurus? Will it be the heritage of their grandchildren and great-grandchildren?

A Blessed Heritage:

When I started pondering over these questions, I cringed at the thought that my progeny could become non-Sikhs, and that reality hit home much closer. I did not like the idea that my progeny will live as non-Sikhs and that they will assimilate, join another faith or become part of tradition and heritage which are different than mine. I do not claim to be an authority on Sikhism, but still feel blessed to have the privilege of being part of something that is so inspiring, and challenging as well. I wish that my coming generations not only experience its benefits as well but also grow and glow with it and to share that experience with the rest of the world. I do not wish that Sikhs should end on the list of on the path of extinction or endangered species (using the term loosely). Already we are seeing that the Sikhs have started discarding their unique physical appearance in order to conform and blend into the mainstream.

I have seen family members of Sikhs who have married outside the faith put on a bold face, but inside they have the feeling of helplessness. The palpable pain is writ large on their faces, and yet they do not delve on it. I can see them wondering, "Why it is happening to me?" But we have to understand how it can happen to us, and why it is happening to us. Only then we can chalk out a road map for our action or involvement. When the decision has been made about the marriage partner, by that time it is too late for any kind of positive action. So the preparation of road map and instilling of the values that will become a consideration when one is about to start the process of selecting life partner has to start much earlier. While there are no guarantees of success, yet we can succeed with the blessings of the Guru.

In order to understand our present situation, we have to start with a look into the history of the period after the Gurus to see how we got here. After Guru Gobind Singh Ji, Banda Singh Bahadur became leader of the Sikhs. He came to Sirhind to remove the regime, which committed atrocities on the Guru's younger sons, conquered Sirhind and assumed power. He did not last very long, and was executed in Delhi. After him the persecution of Sikhs was is in full-scale; orders were in effect to put the Sikhs to sword if they refused to change their faith. The defeat of Banda Singh and subsequent persecution shocked the community. The policy of persecution lasted for twenty years. However, during this period the Sikhs reorganized themselves, and emboldened by the paralysis of imperial Delhi, they came out of the hideout. Soon they were ruling again. However, Ahmed Shah Durrani invaded again, and appointed Mir Mannu as the Governor of Punjab, and the persecution of Sikhs started again. Finding the Sikh homes with no men, Mir Mannu started persecuting women and killing children. Then in 1758 Sikhs under the leadership of Jassa Singh Ahluwalia became a sovereign power again, and the territories conquered were parceled among the twelve leaders called Misls. The Misl leaders started fighting each other. Then a 17 years old warrior chief Ranjit Singh, with innate intelligence, bravery and cunning, consolidated the warring Misls into a sprawling Sikh kingdom. After the death of Maharaja Ranjit Singh in 1839 the Sikhs were in disarray and British tried to take advantage of the situation that resulted in two Anglo-Sikh wars which the Sikhs lost, and that was the end of Sikh kingdom.

Survival Skills

For the next hundred years Sikhs were part of British India and saw action in both World Wars. In 1947 when India gained Independence the country was partitioned and Punjab was divided between the two countries. The Sikhs become refugees in their own country and, leaving their belongings in West Punjab, they started rebuilding their livelihood and lives again. Now Sikhs were looking for opportunities all over the country, and even started moving abroad. This historical development forced the Sikhs to hone their survival skills again. They devoted their entire resources and efforts to survive, revive and thrive again. The result of these circumstances was that the generation born after independence tried to excel in every thing they did -except connecting to Sikhism. The Sikhs became prosperous again all over the country, but the new generation was completely deprived of positive and enduring Sikh values. Now for that generation the only glue holding the Sikh values was through their forefathers and the trauma of the Partition. However, that is not the glue of positive Sikh values, which could prepare a youngster from the coming onslaught. That generation born after independence generally married within the community and to partners of same belief system. Still, growing up in open and exposed environment to other ethnic and religious beliefs primed them for the higher risks in terms of keeping their symbols of faith and marrying partners who could be from different backgrounds. In addition, we further exposed ourselves as we started immigrating in droves looking for greener pastures. The influx of media, movies, TV, etc. further changed the complexion of the static society in India, which in the past was divided by geographical, lingual, and the religious boundaries. This new mobile environment, like a tornado, is changing from the ways we lived in the past.

Social Dynamics

The young generation is exposed to places like colleges, work place environment and other social meeting places, where they are mixing with ethnically and religiously diverse population. Now, they are making decisions about their life partners based on their liking, and marrying a partner with a similar religious belief has taken a back seat. It used to be virtually unheard of to marry outside the community, but today, it has become quite an irrelevant issue. It is not only the practice of arranged marriage, which is just disappearing; even the parental influence in selection of suitable suitor is abating. So the long term consequence of this process where the individuals are saying, "It is my life and my decision" will be that the process of assimilation will take its toll on the community. The name "Singh" and "Kaur" would continue to be used because for many it will be the last name, but its association with the giver of the name Guru Gobind Singh Ji will be over. Even the famous author and art historian Mulk Raj Anand has lamented that Sikhs have "lost their moorings".

If we do not wake up now and realize that our own affluence, success, hard work, enterprising nature, forward thinking is going to be our nemesis, we will be soon joining the ranks of those who are referred to in Past Tense. We have seen persecution, two holocausts, Anglo-Sikh wars, Partition, Operation Blue Star and its aftermath, where we were fighting external enemies. But now our commitments and allegiance to the principles of Sikhism have been compromised. Now, we have seen our own enemy, and it is us. Earlier the challenges were external and we survived those, but now the challenges are internal, and we are gearing up to those or not? Now the time has come for us to make the choice of staying Sikh out of love. The sooner we prepare to counter this enemy the better will be our chances of survival. The Guru's teaching can provide us with a road map of positive appeal to offset this inertial drift towards becoming irreligious. However, instead of incorporating these teachings in our lives and sharing it with mankind we have just put them in fancy roomaleh (clothes) and proclaim that this is our Guru. We will have to refocus on defining the positive qualities of Sikh life and the wisdom of the Guru's teachings so that every one is attracted to become part of this great lifestyle out of choice.

The coming generation should be able to proclaim their Sikhism for the value that it is imparting to their lives. It will be reflection of positive virtues of the Gurus teachings and bliss that it brings in their lives. As Sikhs, we would share the secrets of blissful life styles with others - offering hope, strength and help for the destitute and downtrodden. We can only do this if we develop effective means of defending Sikh future against our action and inaction, which have put us in this predicament. This is the challenge facing the Sikhs living in the West in Punjab, rest of India, and other countries today.

The urgent need is to devise programs to defend Sikhism, which Gurus shaped by their lives and their sacrifices, against our voluntary self- destruction. The first step towards preventing this disaster from occurring is to visualize that possibility and then frame the strategy that can prevent it from becoming a reality.

Rekindle the Sikh flame:

I am not here to pontificate, but wish to bring attention to the issues. With understanding of the problem as a community we should be in a position to chalk a program that will rekindle the flame of desire to be Guru's Sikhs and keep it glowing. When our eyes are opened to the true understanding of what it means to be a Sikh, then it will be not only us, but also our generations that will choose to become Sikhs because of its positive virtues. We have seen from history that from persecution we have risen to power. Now in this century, which is called as technological age, let us create it as the golden age of Sikhism based on technology and knowledge of real living. Let us imbibe Sikhism because it provides a more positive, fulfilling, affirmative life in contemporary times where all mankind is beset with drugs, depression, and other psychological illnesses. If we do not see the call of the times, then the Sikh community as it is known - vibrant, enterprising, involved, compassionate, and philanthropic - will disappear. In coming generation's time period their radar screen will be without that spark of bright light. Today, an individual Sikh may be extraordinarily well educated and erudite, with highest qualification from the elite schools, but our understanding of Guru Ji's teachings are at pathetic kindergarten's level. So, with such meagre understanding of values of life as taught by the Gurus how can our lives glow? If we look at the history of Sikhs of the Gurus, we find that Sikhs like Bhai Dayala, Mati Das, Sati Das, Pir Bhudhu Shah, Mani Singh, Akali Phoola Singh, lived lives where even imminent threats to their lives did not shake their faith. However, for us a little upper mobility in the society, or affluence, is enough of a reason to waver us from our faith.

Return to Basic Values

Why is our understanding of our own Scriptures in our own language so low? That is because, we will find that we have delegated that job to those who do not measure up to the high expectations and competitive zeal in our educational institutions. So at the ritualistic level, we have conformed to the guidelines of the Gurus, but at the level of understanding and incorporation of Gurus teachings, we have created a complete vacuum. There have been individual exceptions, but as the mass, we have failed considerably. If we think that those who have not been very successful in pursuit of education can become our torchbearers and lead us to a higher and spiritual life, we are seeing the results. The same sickness is evident in our premier and prestigious religious organizations. As a society, we have become victims of whims of the leaders of these institutions, who are running these institutions for their own glory and self- aggrandizement and not for their charted true purpose. We have to take control of our future if we are concerned about our survival and we want to prevent our own demise with our own hands.

This situation, where we are ill prepared to cope with our internal threats, has to be remedied. The Guru's teachings should become center of our lives and the entire life has to run around that. This realignment is essential not only for the survival of Sikhism but also for enhancement of the quality of our lives. Today, the rationalization has taken over our lives, and it is time to bring devotion and reverence back. The refocus will provide us with a more balanced business, student, professional and family lives. The monetary success can assure that we are not deprived of our needs. It can make our lives comfortable, but it cannot make our lives beautiful and blissful. The blissful state has to be acquired by imbibing Guru's teachings in our lives. The understanding of life through Guru's teachings will not only provide a new perspective in meeting the challenges, but also a road map to soar to angelic sphere while still living in the world. What is that Guru tells us that we have not learned from our institutions of learning? Let us explore some of those issues and see what Guru Ji tells us about them:

How have we come to this world?
           ey srIrw myirAw hir qum mih joiq rKI qw qU jg mih AwieAw ] (SGGS: 921)
           O my body, the Lord infused His Light into you, and then you came into the world.

Are we just a body or more?
           iesu kwieAw AMdir vsqu AsMKw ] (SGGS:110)
           Within this body are countless objects.
           iesu igRh mih koeI jwgqu rhY ] (SGGS:182)
           There is something that remains awake in this house (the body).

Who are we then?
           mn qUM joiq srUpu hY Awpxw mUlu pCwxu ] (SGGS:441)
           O my mind, you are the embodiment of the Divine Light - recognize your own origin.

What are we here for?
           pRwxI qUM AwieAw lwhw lYix ] (SGGS: 43)
           O mortal, you came here to this world to evolve and find your true self.

How can we get, what we came for?
           lwhw nwmu pwey gur duAwir ] (SGGS:841)
           The process of evolution is the Naam, which is obtained from the Guru's door.

What is Naam and how can one gets it?
           nwmY hI qy sBu ikCu hoAw ibnu siqgur nwmu n jwpY ] (SGGS:753)
           The entire creation comes from the Naam, the Name of the Lord; without the True Guru, the Naam is not experienced.

Who is Satguru or True Guru?
           siq purKu ijin jwinAw siqguru iqs kw nwau ] (SGGS:286)
           Satguru or True Guru is one who knows the True Lord God.

What is the role of Guru in this?
           gur qy mnu mwirAw sbdu vIcwirAw qy ivrly sMswrw ] (SGGS:1125)
           How very rare are those in this world who, through the Guru, subdue their minds,
           and contemplate the Word of the Shabad.
           ibnu gur iknY n pwieE ibrQw jnmu gvwie ]
       mnmuK krm kmwvxy drgh imlY sjwie ] (SGGS:33)
           Without the Guru, no one has obtained it; they waste away their lives in vain.
           The self-willed manmukhs create karma, and in the Court of the Lord, they receive their punishment.

Why is it necessary to kill 'pseudo self'?
           mnu mwieAw mih auriJ rihE hY bUJY nh kCu igAwnw ] (SGGS:902)
           The mind is entangled in Maya; it knows nothing at all of spiritual wisdom.

How do we kill 'pseudo self'?
           mnu mwinAw qau hir jwinAw ] (SGGS:646)
           Now that my mind has agreed, I have come to know the Lord.
           mnu dy pwvih nwmu suhylw ] (SGGS:226)
           By offering your mind, the bliss and comfort of the Naam is obtained.
           ry mn Et lyhu hir nwmw ] (SGGS:901)
           O mind, take the sheltering support of the Lord's Name.

What is the benefit of doing that?
           Awvnu jwnu n hovI qyrw ] (SGGS:286)
           With Naam your comings and goings shall be ended (You will come out of cycles of birth and death).
           Awvw gauxu invwirAw joqI joiq imlwie ] (SGGS:1009)
           Their comings and goings are ended, and their soul merges into the Universal Soul God.

How does Guru view those who did not accomplish the mission?
           AMDuly ikAw pwieAw jig Awie ] rwmu irdY nhI gur kI syvw cwly mUlu gvwie ] (SGGS:1126)
           O blind man, what have you obtained by coming into the world as you have wasted your time.
           The Lord is not in your heart, and you do not serve the Guru. After wasting your capital, you shall have to depart.
           AwvY n jwie nw duKu pwey ] (SGGS:842)
           You shall not have to come or go, or suffer in sorrow (if you achieved the purpose you came in for).

What is the role and contribution of the spouse?
           Dn ipru eyih n AwKIAin bhin iekTy hoie ]
       eyk joiq duie mUrqI Dn ipru khIAY soie ] (SGGS:788)
           They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together.
           They alone are called husband and wife, who have one light (of Universal Soul) in two bodies.

Truly Sikh:

The Sikh who can become well versed in the spiritual aspects of Sikhism, its awe-inspiring history, its facets of love and brotherhood, its higher moral standards can only share it with the world. It is only what we have that we can share with others. In order to work towards that we will have to develop a loving and reverent relationship with the Guru and God. This is only possible when we become loving, caring, compassionate to the entire creation of the Creator. If we can do it then only we are living blissfully and meaningfully in this world. It is then only we will be a beacon of light in the ocean, who can not only stand the waves lashing at it but still can give light and direction to others. We will discover that we can accept the challenges of life undaunted and with no fear of assimilation and loss of our unique identity. We would not become one of the ingredients of the melting pot but one unique fruit in the fruit bowl with all its uniqueness intact and yet part of the dish.

Let us pray, and work for Guru's grace. Only by coming closer to the Guru we can get Guru's blessings and His grace. With the Guru's blessings we will not only make our lives as work of art - beautiful, blissful, elegant, caring and compassionate, but also save ourselves from extinction.